My mother was a worrier to her very core. In hospice, before she slipped away into days of silence, she looked me in the eyes and said, “I know you are going to be okay, Kayla.” She shook her head in deep agreement with herself and slipped into another long period of sleep. These were some of the last words she ever spoke to me. That she had peace … [Read more...]
Life and Grief Interwoven
Little things remind me of my mom. A smell, a sound, a memory that flashes through my mind, the deep desire to pick the phone just to talk, and countless other reminders in daily life. But there is something close to dread that fills me at the approach of milestones and holidays. Today is the day of my mother’s birth. I can celebrate her life, … [Read more...]
Lunch with Pat
I met my mother’s best friend, Pat, for lunch this summer when I went to Portland for a visit. Lunch with Pat for me is far more than a shared meal. Something today made me long for a lunch date with Pat. In Pat’s smile I can see decades of laughter shared with my mother. In the special glint of her eyes I can see the mischievous moments she … [Read more...]
Even in Joy
Even in joy there is a shadow of sorrow once you have experienced great loss. This week that shadow hung over me as I prepared to depart the plane at SeaTac to visit my dad. I knew ahead of me in the airport was the spot I had stood when I first realized my mother was dying over four years ago. In January of 2011 I stood outside the gates at … [Read more...]
No More Second Chances
My three children and one young man are the only people who ever called me “Mom.” This young man struggled with making bad decisions. He always came for advice before and after he made a bad decision. Sometimes he followed my counsel, but mostly he did not. I loved him, so I would always speak the truth to him. Our long history taught him that I … [Read more...]
A Legacy of Faith & Character
On Christmas Eve my husband called me in the middle of the day. Something in the catch of his voice alarmed me. He started to say that Brock had just called. He paused and collected his voice. Suddenly I knew with all certainty what he was going to say. He measured out the words, “They just found his dad dead.” Until he spoke those words I still … [Read more...]
The Milestones of Birthdays
My mother was born on October 29, 1941 in Bismarck, North Dakota. Until today every time her birthdate rolled around I thought, “This was my mother’s birthday.” As if her not being alive today to celebrate her birthday took away from the fact that she was born on this very day 73 years ago. My mother is not turning 73 years-old today. She … [Read more...]
Chapter 1 of 360 Degrees of Grief
WHAT GRIEF TAUGHT ME by Kayla Fioravanti from 360 Degrees of Grief My first awkward experience with grief was in grade school as I tried to tame my quivering bottom lip at my neighbor’s funeral. Over the span of my lifetime grief has become more than an acquaintance. I’ve stood by loved ones in their valleys and they’ve stood by in mine. I’ve … [Read more...]
Saying Goodbye to Star
Eighteen years ago, I impulsively bought a kitten with $89 I did not have to spare. I had no plans to buy a kitten. My son, Keegan and I often stopped to visit kittens at the pet store just for fun, but this kitten was different. She was fearless and exceptionally loving. When she let my 3 year old son hold her like a baby I was sold. He didn’t … [Read more...]
Vacancy Left in the Wake of Death
Two years ago today I held my mother’s hand as she took her last breathe. Death leaves a vacancy in your life that no one can take up residence in. The loss of my mother did not leave a faint impression like a foot print in the sand that can easily washed away. Her absence has instead felt more like the loss of a limb for a tree. “The … [Read more...]
When Death is Personal & Piercing
Death can make many levels of acquaintance with us. There is some death that is remotely connected to you and gives your heart pause, like distant relatives you never met or celebrities. There is death that hits you full force in the heart. And there is the impact death can make in your life that is everywhere in between. I remember the time … [Read more...]
