By now the news has broken. Dennis and I are divorced. Yes, it is true, I said it, divorced. Or this may be the first you are hearing of it.
Some will judge me a sinner. And that’s okay. Others will know we are all sinners, and rest in the fact that God knows the details without fretting themselves about my soul. God and I have hashed it out. I have literally sat at His feet or sought refuge in His lap every step of the past 23 years. There has never been a moment of silence between God and I on the subject of my marriage—even in this decision. I have cried out and clung to Him through every step. For those who judge me a sinner—rest easy, we all are, and my God is full of grace.
Many may feel tempted to tell me the secret to fixing a marriage and try to guide me on another path, but just know—this isn’t that situation.
Some will view me as a hero—a woman of strength and power. But the truth is that I am only a flawed woman, who attempted to survive in a flawed marriage with a flawed man. A point came where I had to invite him to pick up his flaws, while I picked up my own, and walk our separate ways. And for me—that was the right decision.
Some who have walked beside me will be stunned. Yes, I was silent about my marriage struggles and separation other than to only a small handful of people. To those who are stunned, I’m sorry if my closed lips have hurt you. If you have read my blogs and memoir you know that I’ve been pretty transparent over the years—other than in this case. Some have noticed that Dennis has been absent from my photos for a couple of years now. I simply needed to remain quiet until now.
Sometimes, over the years, I blogged about what I hoped for in my marriage, on other occasions I wrote what I valued, and for a long time I wrote very little at all. It has been hard to write in the midst of the muck. Right now I am in a quiet space of contemplation, journaling, and prayerful conversations with God while I heal, rebuild, and walk through whatever the future has for me and my adult children.
To those who have tightly gripped my hand and loved me no matter where I was in the journey to here—thank you. Your unwavering love for me as I wrestled with the inevitable emotional upheaval has been bedrock to build upon.
I appreciate each and every one of the people in my life—both in person and virtually. Thanks for supporting me in the past and into my new future.