By now the news has broken. Dennis and I are divorced. Yes, it is true, I said it, divorced. Or this may be the first you are hearing of it.
Some will judge me a sinner. And that’s okay. Others will know we are all sinners, and rest in the fact that God knows the details without fretting themselves about my soul. God and I have hashed it out. I have literally sat at His feet or sought refuge in His lap every step of the past 23 years. There has never been a moment of silence between God and I on the subject of my marriage—even in this decision. I have cried out and clung to Him through every step. For those who judge me a sinner—rest easy, we all are, and my God is full of grace.
Many may feel tempted to tell me the secret to fixing a marriage and try to guide me on another path, but just know—this isn’t that situation.
Some will view me as a hero—a woman of strength and power. But the truth is that I am only a flawed woman, who attempted to survive in a flawed marriage with a flawed man. A point came where I had to invite him to pick up his flaws, while I picked up my own, and walk our separate ways. And for me—that was the right decision.
Some who have walked beside me will be stunned. Yes, I was silent about my marriage struggles and separation other than to only a small handful of people. To those who are stunned, I’m sorry if my closed lips have hurt you. If you have read my blogs and memoir you know that I’ve been pretty transparent over the years—other than in this case. Some have noticed that Dennis has been absent from my photos for a couple of years now. I simply needed to remain quiet until now.
Sometimes, over the years, I blogged about what I hoped for in my marriage, on other occasions I wrote what I valued, and for a long time I wrote very little at all. It has been hard to write in the midst of the muck. Right now I am in a quiet space of contemplation, journaling, and prayerful conversations with God while I heal, rebuild, and walk through whatever the future has for me and my adult children.
To those who have tightly gripped my hand and loved me no matter where I was in the journey to here—thank you. Your unwavering love for me as I wrestled with the inevitable emotional upheaval has been bedrock to build upon.
I appreciate each and every one of the people in my life—both in person and virtually. Thanks for supporting me in the past and into my new future.
Carol Wilson says
God’s Love for you flows purely, irrevocably and refreshingly! I know this had to be hard to write. You deserve nothing but grace from everyone.
I pray He will be the Lifter of your head and heart every day. I pray He will lead you in the way everlasting and into His wholeness and you walk this new path of life.
Thank you. I have been so blessed by your prayers all these years.
Rose Cunfer says
Love and marriage does not always mean forever. I know because it took me 4 failed marriages to find my 5th anf final.partner.
Easy..ansolutely not. Each time taught he lessons. Some good and some bad.
My first…we were both too young and eager to get out into the cold cruel world.
My second gave me a beautiful daughter. He was a wonderful father, a fantastic son but a detached husband. He had a hard time leaving mommy and eventually.chose her over me.
My third was the love of my life…in every way. We spent 10 wonderful years together until bipolar disease destroyed everything. So thst was the end of that.
My fourth was a nightmare and almost ended my life. If you have never looked down the barrel of a shotgun. Thank God the police made it in time.
Number 5 is my dream come true. He loves me for who I am, encourages me, supports me and makes me feel safe. He is my person?
Thank you for letting me share.
Thank you. I have loved being a witness to you with the love of your life.
No Christian has the right to judge you, just the responsibility to pray for you.
Wishing you and praying for the best for you and your kids.
Amen to that. Thank you.
Elin Criswell says
Your true friends will continue to love & support you, Kayla! I certainly do. Onward with the Lord….
Thank you! Your support has been priceless.
Beautifully written. Many of us noticed and have walked prayerfully with you.
Some of us even understand the concern there will be judgement.
Those of us who know and have lived Gods grace mercy, and love, embrace you as He does.
Excited to watch what God has in store for your next chapter, Kayla.
Thank you my friend. I have appreciated your support along the way.
Kay Rose says
I have been in similar situations and had already figured Dennis was out of the picture. You have turned in the right direction for help and guidance. Healing takes time. I am so sorry that you both had to go through this, but you seem at peace with your decisions. May God bless you, Kayla.
Thank you. It is a journey and I hope yours is going well.
Angela Mize says
You have been through so much. Thank you for sharing your heart and your struggles. You are loved.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for sharing your heart in your beautiful words! You deserve to be loved as God loves you! ♥️